Tobaccos That Never Were, Part III
From Tim Daneliuk on alt.smokers.pipes:
Blends That Never Were - Part III
- My Own Jihad
- A Blend of 72 Different Virginias. You'll Be in Heaven!
- Baathist Blend
- Syrian Latakia and Sand Combine for a Taste You Won't Live to Remember.
- Chalk and Awe
- An English Style Blend Made in America. Noteworthy for Its Casing of Cordite, Gunpowder, and Nitro-Toluene. (Primarily for Export)
- Axioms of Evil
- Dark Kentucky and Black Twist Are Combined Against the Backdrop of Machine Shop Oil and Chroming Residues. For the Philosophically Minded Dictator.
- Sauerbratten Flake
- A Muscular Tobacco Cased in Sauerkraut Juice. For Smokers with Dreams of Empire.
- Commie Kake
- Red Virginias Topped with the Bitter Residue of Failed Ambition.
- Montgoobery
- A Luxuriant Blend of Virginia Leaf Topped with Peanut Butter.
- Lombeard
- An Interesting Combination of Virginias, Orientals, and Alaskan
Latakia. Gently Dusted with Our Secret Ingredient from Al the Pet
Barber. An Entirely New Take on
Hair Of The Dog.
Our Worst Blend- Sawdust, Floor Sweepings, and Rat Droppings Adorn a Base of Cigar Ash and Used Nasal Snuff. A Gift for Treasured In-Laws.
- Crown Revilement
- Straight Perique Cased in a Paste of Refried Beans, Prune Juice, And Tabasco. Terrific When You Really Need To Get Going.
This perhaps makes the most sense when one understand pipe tobaccos—trust me, it’s actually quite hilarious.
