It's Not the Things You Do...
It’s not the things you do that you regret, but the things you don’t do. I’ve done things I wish I’d never even thought of, but I can write them off as learning experiences, or as the acts of a young fool, but the things which I’ve never done I can never do. As an example, several years ago the Righteous Brothers came through town; my mother mentioned it to me, but I didn’t want to spend the $40 on a ticket. Less than a year later (a few months later, IIRC), one of the duo was dead and there will be no more Righteous Brothers concerts ever. $40 could have bought me an unrepeatable experience, and instead I’ve a lifetime of regret.
Likewise, when my brother Tom graduated from the Naval Academy all the midshipmen jumped from the 30 foot diving board in their parade uniforms (the tradition owes itself to the fact that the Navy has no parade uniforms and thus that the men’s parade uniforms are superfluous after graduation). He and his buddies tried to get me to go with him, but I resisted. There were officials trying to keep civilians off the board, and I wasn’t exactly keen on the idea anyway—why, I’d have to walk all the way back to our rental home to change my clothes! Well, that was a mistake: my brother will never again graduate, and I’ll never be able to jump off the 30’ diving board with him.
Another example is pledging Tri-Gam. All of my friends in college were members of Gamma Gamma Gamma; I attended nearly every GTE (their Thursday party); I drank gallon upon gallon of their beer; and yet I never pledged. I dearly wish today that I could; indeed, I would give several thousand dollars in order to be one of their number. But I cannot: even if I gave the money and they called me one of their own I never would be one in truth.
A lesser instance was when several friends drove down to Shreveport to do some gambling (a 10 hour round trip IIRC). I forget now why I didn’t go—but I’ll never again have the chance to drive out to Shreveport with some buddies in college.
Then there was the girl who, in hindsight, was very interested in me—and I never even noticed. And I was interested in her! There’s an error to haunt me for the rest of my days, for even had things not culminated satisfactorily we would both have learnt a bit.
All this is part of why I went to Germany with my brother Stephen last week. Yeah, it may not be the wisest use of my money, but who’s to say that I’ll ever have the opportunity again? Maybe I’ll lose my job next year; maybe I’ll meet a wonderful girl and spend my fortune making her happy; maybe I’ll be hit by a truck and live out the rest of my life in a hospital bed. But this was a chance to go and spend time with one of my brothers (hopefully two, but that didn’t pan out, unfortunately). Had I not taken it, I’d have spent the rest of my life regretting the choice; even had I a rotten time (to the contrary, it was wonderful), I’d have merely regretted it for a year or two. The choice is easy.
The regret I feel for the many things I wish I’dnot done is nothing like that for the things I wish I had done. I have decades to repent what I’ve done, but there’s no second chance to do what I’ve not.
