Octopodial Chrome

One of the things that annoys me is folks who have dogs instead of children. A dog will last maybe 14 years or so, and when he dies that’s it; in the normal course of things, a child lasts longer than his parents, and produces children of his own, and perhaps even affects the course of history. There’s nothing wrong with dogs, of course, but they’re not people.

Well, it turns out that this over-affection for beasts isn’t a new thing after all. In Geoffroy IV de la Tour Landry’s Book of the Knight of the Tower (written for the instruction of his daughters) we find the following story:

Of The Woman That Gaf The Flesshe To Her Honndes

I SHAL save to yow an Ensample of a lady that yaf the flesshe and good morsels to her lytell houdes. Ther was a lady whiche hadde two small houndes, whome she moche loued and had soo derworthe that she took in them greete playsaunce. She made for them dayly dysshes of sowpes, and after gaf to them flesshe and other fryandyses delycyous. And on a tyme there was a frere mendycaunt that said to her that it was euyll done to gyue suche metes to the houndes, that were grete & fatte, where as there were moche poure peple lene and drye for hogre. Thus he prechyd, vnto the lady, but for al that she wold not leue it. Soo thenne a lytel afterward this lady bycam seke vnto the deth, and ther happed a wonder thyng whiche was sene al apertely. For ther cam vpon her bed two lytel black dogges, and whan she drewe on and was in a traunce they were about her mouthe and lycked her lyppes. And where as they lycied her on the mouthe it bycam as black as a Cole. This I haue herd of a damoyselle that said that she had sene al this, and named to me the lady. This is a good ensample to euery good lady and woman, how they ought not to haue ouer grete plaisyre in suche thynges, ne to geue flesshe ne lychorous metes to the houdes, for lack of whiche the poure peple of god dye for honger, the whiche ben the creatures of god made to his semblaunce and lykenes, and be his seruauntes. Suche wymmen vnderstande not the word of god in the gospel, where as god sayth, He that dot wel to the poure doth to me seruyce. These wymmen resemble not vnto the good quene blache, that was moder of sayni lowys, whiche dyd do gyue in hir syght the mete to the moost nedy and meseased. And after saynt lowys dyd in lyke wyse, for he vysyted the poure peple and fedde them with his own honde. The Plaisire of euery good woman is to see the faderles and moderles children and lytel poure children and them norysshe and clothe, as dide the holy lady that was Countesse of Mauns, whiche norysshed wel thyrtty orphanes and the lytel poure children for pyte, and therin was al hir disporte. And therfor she was louyd of god and had an holy lyf and a goode ende. And ther was, sene at her deth a grete clercnes and lyght alle full of lytel children. These were not the smale houndes that were black whiche were sene with the other, as ye haue herd to fore.

Here’s my rendering, for those who don’t wish to dig through early modern English:

Of the woman who gave meat to her dogs

I shall give to you an example of a lady that gave meat and treats to her little dogs.

There was a lady who had two small dogs whom she loved so much and dearly that she took great pleasure in them. She made them nice meals every day, and gave them meats and other delicious food. One time a mendicant friar said to her that it was an evil deed to give such food to fat dogs when there were many skinny poor people dying of hunger. Thus he preached unto the lady, but she would not listen. So a little later this lady took deathly ill and there occurred a wonder which was seen by all. When she was in her final minutes and had fallen unconscious two little black dogs walked onto her bed and licked her lips, and where they licked her mouth it became as black as coal. I was told this by a girl who had seen it herself, and gave me the name of the lady in question.

This is a good example to every good lady and woman of how they shouldn’t take over-large pleasure in such things, not to give meat or luxurious food to dog when poor people—made in the image and likeness of God, His servants—die from hunger. Such women don’t understand God’s words in the Gospel that He that does good unto the poor does me service. These women are unlike good Queen Blanche, the mother of St. Louis, who fed the poor and abused. And St. Louis did likewise, visiting the poor and feeding them with his own hands. The pleasure of every good woman is to feed and clothe orphans and poor children, like the holy Countess of Mauns, whose only past-time was to feed thirty orphans and poor children out of pity. And therefor she was beloved by God and had a holy life and a good end. When she died there was seen a vision of light surrounding little children, not black hounds as were seen with the other lady.

So you see, you really shouldn’t treat dogs like people. Unless you have a really good mortician I guess.