Burgers
Last night I ordered a fast food hamburger (from A&W, my first since perhaps my freshman year in college. It having been so long, I seem to have completely forgotten the cardinal rule: Ask for Meat, Bread & Cheese. And so I received a fine burger covered in lettuce (innoffensive) as well as pickles, onions, tomato and mayonnaise (utterly foul). What human being eats mayonnaise on a burger?!? Why would one waste good beef in such a fashion? The same goes for onions and tomatoes. These are abominations in the eyes of the Lord (it’s somewhere in Ecclesiastes, I’m sure). And why would one ever eat foul fast-food pickles? I love a good pickle: no fast food restaurant has ever served a decent pickle.
To all the burger joints in all the world: quit shoving slop onto my burgers. Give me meat, bread and cheese—I’ll tart my burger up to my own specs, thankyouverymuch.
