It’s not the things you do that you regret, but the things you
don’t do. I’ve done things I wish I’d never even
thought of, but I can write them off as learning experiences, or as the
acts of a young fool, but the things which I’ve never done I can
never do. As an example, several years ago the Righteous Brothers came
through town; my mother mentioned it to me, but I didn’t want to
spend the $40 on a ticket. Less than a year later (a few
months later, IIRC), one of the duo was dead and there will be
no more Righteous Brothers concerts ever. $40 could have bought me an
unrepeatable experience, and instead I’ve a lifetime of
regret.
Likewise, when my brother Tom graduated from the Naval Academy all
the midshipmen jumped from the 30 foot diving board in their parade
uniforms (the tradition owes itself to the fact that the Navy has no
parade uniforms and thus that the men’s parade uniforms are
superfluous after graduation). He and his buddies tried to get me to go
with him, but I resisted. There were officials trying to keep civilians
off the board, and I wasn’t exactly keen on the idea
anyway—why, I’d have to walk all the way back to our rental
home to change my clothes! Well, that was a mistake: my brother will
never again graduate, and I’ll never be able to jump off the
30’ diving board with him.
Another example is pledging Tri-Gam. All of my
friends in college were members of Gamma Gamma Gamma; I attended nearly
every GTE (their Thursday party); I drank gallon upon gallon of their
beer; and yet I never pledged. I dearly wish today that I could;
indeed, I would give several thousand dollars in order to be one of
their number. But I cannot: even if I gave the money and they called me
one of their own I never would be one in truth.
A lesser instance was when several friends drove down to Shreveport
to do some gambling (a 10 hour round trip IIRC). I forget now why I
didn’t go—but I’ll never again have the chance to
drive out to Shreveport with some buddies in college.
Then there was the girl who, in hindsight, was very interested in
me—and I never even noticed. And I was interested in her!
There’s an error to haunt me for the rest of my days, for even had
things not culminated satisfactorily we would both have learnt a
bit.
All this is part of why I went to Germany with my brother Stephen
last week. Yeah, it may not be the wisest use of my money, but
who’s to say that I’ll ever have the opportunity again?
Maybe I’ll lose my job next year; maybe I’ll meet a
wonderful girl and spend my fortune making her happy; maybe I’ll
be hit by a truck and live out the rest of my life in a hospital bed.
But this was a chance to go and spend time with one of my brothers
(hopefully two, but that didn’t pan out, unfortunately). Had I
not taken it, I’d have spent the rest of my life regretting the
choice; even had I a rotten time (to the contrary, it was wonderful),
I’d have merely regretted it for a year or two. The choice is
easy.
The regret I feel for the many things I wish I’dnot done is nothing
like that for the things I wish I had done. I have decades to repent
what I’ve done, but there’s no second chance to do what I’ve not.