Octopodial Chrome

Inspired by my dear brother’s example, I taught myself how to sabre the tops from champagne bottles. The same technique works for beer bottles as well—really, anything under a bit of pressure. It’s cool as all get-out: I believe that I may begin opening all my bottles this way.

The method is simple: hold the bottle at the base, pointed in a roughly 30° angle away from oneself and toward some safe direction; ensure that bottle seem is pointed straight upwards; line sword up in such a fashion as to intercept the head-neck join; slide sword parallel to bottle such that it crashes into the aforesaid join at the intersection of join & seam. The head will then fly off, carrying with it the cork or bottle cap.

The principle is this: the seam is the weakest point of the bottle, and when it is struck violently it ruptures. We don’t want the bottle to rupture along the seam, as that would spill the contents, and so strike so perpendicular thereto, breaking the glass along the head-neck join. The slight crack rapidly enlarges, the head flies off and the expanding gases carry out any shards of glass which could have fallen into the liquid. It’s remarkably safe & easy.

Kurt Wenner creates beautiful 3D-like sidewalk chalk drawings. Very cool stuff: I hope that he comes to Denver someday.

Here are two photos of Tom & Em. The first was taken as they were walking down the aisle (thanks to Miss Eli Quick, soon to be Mrs. Conrad Layman, for taking the picture):

The second is of the two of them after church, the day after they were married:

And as a bonus, here’s a picture of the whole family. It’s mondo-weird to have a gal as part of the family photo, but I rather think that it’s an improvement. Thanks to Hieromonk Gabriel for the photo.

A handsome bunch, no?

When my brother Stephen was at Philmont Scout Ranch, he happened upon their Trading Post, wherein are sold sundry useful and less-than-useful items. Among these he spotted the toothpick holder; being taken with it, he purchased one for each of his brothers. What, you might ask, does a toothpick holder look like? Observe, and be enlightened:

Yes, in order to please the Mormons (who make up an ever-larger portion of the BSA) and the teetotallers, a shot glass is now called a toothpick holder. The mind boggles.

Apparently Laguiole make pipe knives in addition to their other cutlery. I want one!

It’s been one year since I started my blog (well, it was two days ago, but my ’puter was down…). Yippee!

While I am simply ecstatic with joy over Tom’s wedding, I must admit that a small part of me is saddened. As far back as I can remember it’s been Bob-and-Tom: for the vast majority of our lives we shared a room; he’s present in almost every single childhood memory I have. But when I returned to the hotel room we’d shared after his & Emily’s reception, I knew that was over, forever. It’s good and right and proper for him to cease being primarily my brother, and become primarily Em’s husband—indeed, were it otherwise, I should have to break out the Rod of Righteous Correction, the Staff of Educational Beating and the Belt of Great Bruising, for a man’s first duty must be to his wife.

Still, though, despite how happy I am for them (I do not believe I’ve ever known a more well-suited couple), and how overjoyed I am to have acquired a sister-in-law like Emily (she is an absolutely wonderful woman), I will miss the way things were. But then, I always have been a conservative: I loathe change, even for the better. My own fault, of course.

Kopi Luwak is the world’s rarest coffee: it is coffee beans which have passed through the digestive system of a civet cat. I have no idea how anyone found that this is tasty, and I really don’t care to try it.

Although it would make for a damned good story…

CNN Money notes that CEO pay leapt by a median of 22.18%. I’m no leftist—indeed, I believe that leftists are fools at best—but this seems utterly wrong in an era which has seen so many firms under-perform. Surely a CEO shouldn’t get a raise when his company has done worse than the previous year?

One month ago, Hillary Clinton admitted that the Democrats want to steal from taxpayers. Her exact words were, We’re going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good. No thanks—I think that I can spend my money far better than they can.

Also insulting is a supporter’s comment that San Franciscans like Mrs. Clinton because there’s a real appreciation for independent, intelligent women. Nonsense—I doubt they appreciated Margaret Thatcher, a truly independent and intelligent woman; I doubt they appreciate Phyllis Schlafly; I doubt they appreciate Ann Coulter. Like anyone else, what they appreciate is a like mind.

James van Allen, discoverer of the Van Allen radiation belt, has strong reservations about the utility of manned space flight. A good read, and underscores why we should quit wasting time and money what is a dead end for the foreseeable future.

Of course it is, as Daniel Okrent—the Public Editor thereof—agrees. Mr. Okrent is quickly becoming the Right’s favourite Yankee liberal, for he possesses on quality sadly lacking on the Left: honesty. We may not agree with him, but we can speak reasonably with him. I wish him luck in making the Times a trustworthy news source.

On Saturday, 24 July ’04 my brother Thomas married Emily Burgess (as she was then). It was a wonderful wedding: our father, Fr. Luke Uhl (chancellor of the Metropolis of Denver) betrothed them; His Eminence Isaiah, Metropolitan of Denver (an Orthodox metropolitan is the equivalent of a Roman cardinal) married them; our family friend, Hieromonk Gabriel (a hieromonk is a priest-monk) was also present; I served as the best man; our brother John was a groomsman and secondary witness and our brother Stephen was a groomsman and reader. It was a wonderful ceremony, with the exception of an uninvited cantor (who nonetheless did a much better job than one would have expected from an East Coast cantor).

The reception was perfect: it’s the first time I’ve ever had banquet food which I would have paid money for. The Burgesses spared no expense, I think, and it was a wonderful party.

I’m overjoyed for my brother and my new sister-in-law. They are a great couple, and I’m certain that they will have many happy years together.

Last night I barely got any sleep: instead, I lay awake in bed, pondering my toast and dancing skills (shallow, I know, but there you have it). Considering how I’ve almost nothing at all to do, I can only imagine what my poor brother and his fiancée must each be going through. I’d be surprised if they’ve three operating brain cells between them, so stressed must they be.

Well, I finally perfected the toast for my brother Tom’s wedding. For the last three months I’ve been toying with the damned thing with varied success. First I had one thing, but it wasn’t quite right, so I wrote another, and it was not it either. Then I rewrote the first with bits from the second. Then I scrapped the whole thing and started over. Then I asked around for advice and tried to blend everything which had come before. But at long last—and quite suddenly—the right things to say just came to me. There’s a little bit of this version and a little bit of that, but the final draft is for the most part a new piece. It’s as thought the floodgates were released, and everything is just right.

Now if I can only get the delivery down…

I just came upon this rather old article about North Korea. Apparently this German doctor had been in that state as an aid worker and was so shocked by what he found that he began speaking out. North Korea is a nightmare: death camps where men, women and children are slain are well-documented. And yet, we cannot do anything for two reasons: there are enough artillery pieces aimed at Seoul to destroy the city several times over, and of course their possession of nukes. This is one damned good reason for our war in Iraq: it was vital to get in before we were hamstrung by an Iraqi atomic missile capable of hitting civilised regions.

But of course leftists don’t care: they live in a world where we can all get along, if only we try. Pollyannas.

Well, after my first dance lesson, I felt pretty good. Then last night I went over to my folks’ to practise with my mother (it is a measure of my social life that I’ve no-one else to practise with) and discovered that it’s a lot easier to dance with a pro than with an amateur. Then tonight I had another lesson and practised with Mom: a palpable improvement! Perhaps this crazy scheme will work after all. I’ve a week and a day to knock myself into shape, for on the 24th my brother Thomas will be married (the reception, of course, being the whole reason for this sudden interest in legwork). I should have begun some months ago—had I, I’d be a regular pro by now. Oh well: hindsight is 20/20.

A committee have recommended that Great Britain abandon her honours system, with the temporary step of replacing the Order of the British Empire with the Order of British Excellence. Raving loons! Lackwits! Fools! This is what comes of giving the Commons power.

I reserve special venom for the idiot who claimed that the words British Empire reminded him of thousands of years of brutality. I’m fairly certain that no-one has been oppressed for millennia. Although frankly, anyone so miserable as to fail to turn the tables after thousands of years deserves whatever happens to him.

It did concern me that John Cleese and Kenneth Branagh refused to be knighted; they have gone down several notches in my estimation (unless the reason for their refusal was feeling inadequate to the honour).

Well, tonight I’d my first dance lesson. All in all, it went pretty well. I shan’t be competing for Fred Astaire’s trophies any time soon, but I should manage to acquit myself honourably.

As frequent users know, I watch an amazing number of DVDs. In so doing, I’ve hit upon some common flaws in their presentation. These are all rooted in the hatred and disrespect which manufacturers have for their customers. Here’s a catalogue thereof.

Region Coding

Region coding is the means by which a manufacturer can prevent certain DVDs from being played in the US, or the UK, or Russia, or any of the other regions of the world. This is highly annoying: there’s no technical reason why I shouldn’t be able to order an English disc and have it play on my American player.

FBI/Interpol Warning

We’ve had home video equipment for several decades now; we all know that we’re not supposed to make copies. At least with VHS & Beta, we were able to fast-forward past the stupid message—with DVDs, the players are forced to obey some idiot don’t skip command, and thus I’m stuck puttering about my home until the interminable message—with content no different than on any other DVD—scrolls by. If there simply must be a warning, make it be a simple Don’t Copy! message which displays for about 3 seconds. Or let me skip it with the chapter-skip button.

DVD Intros

These are the equivalent of those stupid Flash intros some hypoëncephalic web designers are so enamoured of: a long, long sequence of shots from the movie or series one is about to view (did I mention that it’s invariably long?). The Sharpe’s Rifles series is particularly bad about this: every episode has this stupid intro which is impossible to skip past. Fortunately, one can fast-forward past the miserable thing. Look, I have the DVD: I want to watch the product; don’t make me consider weasel-baiting a more enjoyable pastime.

Intro Ads

These are an even worse idea than that above. Not only am I forced to watch some frippery: that frippery isn’t even related to the feature I want to view! The Farscape (don’t laugh—Claudia Black was quite hot then) discs are notable for this: a lengthy series of advertisements for a bunch of animated series. Ads should be in the Special Features, where I might even appreciate them.

Unskippable Titles

This is more specific to TV series on disc. The viewer should always be able to cleanly skip past the opening and closing credits. Farscape is quite bad at this: trying to skip the opening credits tosses one into the middle of the episode. Why must the viewer be forced to watch the same boring credits sequence every single bloody episode?

Lack of Trailers

A DVD must have the theatrical trailer for its film; it should have other theatrical trailers. Yes, ads are good—when they are ads that I can choose to view. As for the trailer for the film itself, that only stands to reason. Besides, it gives someone something to watch while sliding into movie-watching mode (or preparing popcorn, for those who like that kind of thing).

Lack of Special Features

Every DVD, whether for a film or a TV series, should have a Special Features section (it’s permissible, but undesirable, for a multi-disc series to have but a single such section). Part of the whole point of DVDs is the special features which are now possible: take advantage of that! Disks which consist solely of the movie itself and chapter navigation evidence a stunning lack of effort.

Anyway, these are just some simple, commonsense suggestions. Can there be any argument ’gainst them? I think not.

I’ve hit upon the perfect idea for a bachelor’s garden: simply plant food which has gotten a bit old. Onions, garlic and potatoes all grow easily, and are often found in the back of one’s fridge. The great thing is that one doesn’t have to work to make them grow—they want to, as anyone who’s had an onion sit too long can relate.

I was just watching an episode of Frasier, and apparently the first episode of his (fictional) radio show was 21 May 1993—my 15th birthday. How very droll.

Due to my supply of pickled onions, I’ve been drinking a good number of Gibsons lately (I’d be eating a large number of sandwiches, as the onions would go great with cold cuts, but I never seem to remember them on a meat day). The recipe is a martini sans lemon twist & orange bitters and avec a pickled onion. Here’s the full receipt:

• 2½ oz. gin
• ½ oz vermouth
• 1 pickled onion

Stir gin & vermouth in a shaker with rocks; strain into a cocktail glass; pin onion, rinse and garnish glass; serve it forth. Pretty good, surprisingly.

I’ve managed to put up a bunch of pictures of yesterday’s cruiser ride. Despite the worst efforts of the police, we shall continue to ride.

You know, it really annoys me: has anyone ever seen a police officer (BTW, why are they all officers?) ticket a motorist for nearly killing a cyclist, or for harassing a cyclist, or for honking his horn in an underpass—and yet it’s necessary to ticket us. Last night there were folks setting off illegal fireworks clearly visible, yet the police chose to harass us despite the fact that we were doing to harm. Everyone who saw us smiled; we were having fun; they were having fun—I suppose that can’t be permitted.

I managed not to get a ticket: I rode right along the right hand side, so no-one could come between me and the kerb (’cause if two folks had, then I would have gotten a ticket for being the third man); I made sure to stop and make eye-contact with the cop watching me before proceeding through an intersection; and in every other way I scrupulously followed their little rules.

Rules, BTW, which per an agreement made last year the cruiser ride is allowed to break. It just doesn’t make sense to force 200-–300 people (the pictures don’t do it justice: only being there and seeing the immense body of bikers can) to proceed two-by-two.

The regular reader will recall my discovery of the Boulder Cruzer Club and how much fun it was. Well, I was called to work in Boulder today, so decided to bring my bike and repeat the experience. On the plus side, I got in twenty miles of cycling.

On the bad side, Boulder’s (by which I mean those baseborn churls who love handing out fines) harassed us every step of the way. They were ticketing for riding on the sidewalk (legal in Boulder!); for riding more than two abreast; for not coming to a full, complete, both-feet-on-the-ground, wait-three-breaths stop; for riding too far left in an empty road. Never mind that an agreement had been reached with the city a year earlier; never mind simple human decency (which said ogres lack to begin with). Therefor, I took pictures of the jerks. If you recognise one of these thugs, please cut him from your social circle; if you feel so kind as to allow him the traditional method of remedying such a cut, don’t let me stop you.

I will hopefully be able to post photos of the event itself (which was otherwise a blast) tomorrow. Down with cops!

Max Singer has written a measured & well-balanced review of the Iraq situation. Well worth reading.

no, I’m not looking to sell transport to Baba Yaga—I’ve recently bought a mortar & pestle for kitchen use. All I can say is summed up in a single word: wow. It grinds pepper faster than a pepper-grinder. It converts any amount of whole spice into powder faster and better than anything I’ve used before. Every chef worth his salt simply must get one of these magnificent devices which put all else to shame.

It’s cool.

Although our plea for independence was almost certainly mistaken (the taxes we protested so vehemently were meant to pay for the costly French and Indian Wars), we should celebrate our independence nonetheless. And what better way than to let off illegal fireworks? The fundamental American mindset is expressed in two simple words: buzz off. So long as I do not bother my neighbour, none of my neighbours may bother me. Fireworks are a great example: so long as I don’t set anyone else’s home on fire, I should be free to let of whatever I like.

This year, I bought some legal fireworks (living in the West, we have much more freedom than those poor cattle out East) to celebrate with my family: it was a lot of fun, much smoke & light & sparks & fire. Many other folks were setting off their own rockets and shells, and so far as I can tell everything came out alright. Back in the old days, Americans celebrated by firing guns and tossing dynamite into the streets: a few bottle rockets (do other states even have such things? Can one imagine a Londoner setting off a bottle rocket?) pale in comparison.

Now, I wouldn’t use them, because the danger of fire is non-negligible. But next year I plan to purchase blanks for my Beretta; one still needs to shoot upwards (blanks aren’t completely safe—there are still escaping gases), but they let one make a lot of noise safely.

I watched The Right Stuff this evening. Good flick, albeit not by any stretch of imagination the greatest film ever. A great movie about guys doing what they must: excelling above all others. Watch it if you get the chance.

Ironworks Lofts are a development on Frederick, Colo., trying to bring the loft look to the suburbs. IMHO, they’re going about it all wrong: the really cool thing about a loft environment is that it’s downtown: shopping, food, drink and entertainment are all but a few steps away. Now, yes families nowadays tend to want yards (although why is beyond me: a yard is merely a money-hole which produces nothing—a garden is all anyone needs), space for pets, good schools and a safe environment (really, they want a good place for their kids); one thing also mentioned was a desire for better parking.

So how does one bridge the gap between downtown living and suburban safety? I like the idea of façades which look like urban buildings—that’s a good idea. I like building out in the suburbs, where crime is not nearly as common (at least until the kids hit their teens…); we’ll keep that too. But having free-standing faux-downtown buildings is just odd. And where are the shops? What we want is something that looks like downtown (that’s the whole point of this exercise), but also works like it. So join the entire row of houses: now it looks like a proper street. Put the yards in back, where the alleys would be in a normal city. Attached housing has a stigma, but if there are four feet of brick connecting buildings, I don’t think anyone would complain.

That solves the look component. How do we get the downtown feel? By having businesses and housing together. Alternate community-owned business spaces and homes. Maybe some buildings are completely homes; maybe the first floor is for business and the upper floors for residence; maybe some are dedicated to business. This isn’t a condominium situation, exactly; it’s more a case of a housing association which owns its retail properties. Profits from rents are shared out to the owners, each of whom benefits from the environment.

Now, how to solve parking? Simple, really: put it underground. This development already disguises garages as delivery entrances: just take that idea a little further, and give each residence a certain number of private spaces.

Such a development would look & feel like an urban area, but without the nuisances folks dislike about a true urban environment. It’d be pretty cool.

One of the critiques which the radical Islamists raise against us is that our freedom and tolerance lead to vice on a previously unheard-of level. They’re right: many of us live in a cesspit of iniquity, and have no desire to be freed from it. But as Dinesh D'Souza points out, this is the way it must be.

The thing is, without freedom there is no virtue, but only the appearance thereof. The man who will be killed if he gets drunk cannot be lauded for his sobriety; the woman who will be stoned if she commits adultery cannot be praised for her fidelity. Yes, we live in a crass, vulgar and sinful society: but that makes the success of everyone who isn’t crass, vulgar and hopelessly sinful all the better.

This is a lesson that we Americans need to learn, just as much as the Islamists. Everyone who advocates laws against alcohol, or against homosexuals, or against atheists, or against Christians—he aims to prevent his fellows from doing what he believes is wrong: if he’s correct, he has stolen from them the ability to choose the right; if he’s wrong, then he has kept them from doing what is right.

It’s an interesting article, ending with this profound thought, that America is worthy of our love and sacrifice because, more than any other society, it makes possible for its citizens the good life, and equally important, the life that is good.

Today’s the 228th birthday of the Declaration of Independence (but not of our government—it was not formed until 21 June, 1788). We may have our problems, but we’re the best thing going. What other states are so free as our fifty? Where else is freedom—religious, political & social—so abundant?

Naturally, we need to fix some things. First of all, the unconstitutional McCain-Feingold campaign-finance law must be overturned. This law: governs how much may be given to candidates and what may be given to parties; it forbids minors from giving; it penalises the wealthy for spending their own money; it bans mention of candidates by name within a space of time before elections; it regulates when and how politicians can fund-raise: it is in clear violation of the First Amendment. The Congress unconstitutionally passed it, violating the oaths of office of each Senator and Representative who voted in favour; President Bush signed it, violating his own oath of office; a majority of the Supreme Court upheld it, violating their own oaths. In a just world, the Congressman who voted in favour would never be re-elected, and the President and Supreme Court justices would be impeached (yes, it’s quite possible to impeach Supreme Court justices). It not being a just world, the least we can do is overturn the atrocious thing. It is so blatantly in violation of our Constitution that it cannot be allowed to stand.

Secondly, we need to stop the vile practise of infanticide. Morally, this is a far worse matter than the above—but it is civilly more legitimate: certainly the State has the power to make murder legal; we have the duty to ensure that it does not. Laws against abortion no more violate the right to privacy than do laws against murder. The fœtus is a human being, distinct from its mother and from its father; that it is dependant upon her in no way gives her the right to slay it, any more than an eight-year-old’s dependence on his parents gives them the right to kill him. Infanticide needs to be banned and punished, now.

Thirdly, we need to end Prohibition. There is no legitimate argument for outlawing recreational drugs: they are the essence of a private matter; the essence of what Mill wrote about when he advocated the liberty of every man to live as he sees fit. For a country founded on freedom, our treatment of drugs is an abomination. Regulate them, control them, tax them—treat drugs like any other consumable substance.

These are, to my mind, the most pressing issues at hand in the US: one is a baldfaced violation of our basic law; one is a baldfaced injustice; one is a baldfaced intrusion of the State where it has no business being; all are easily correctable.

Roger Pilon reflects on the nature of liberty, culminating with this fine thought:

What the Founders envisioned was a world in which individuals pursued happiness as individuals or as members of private, voluntary associations—families, businesses, churches, charities, and the like. That world of private individuals and associations—the civil society that Tocqueville spoke of—was where most of life was meant to be lived, with government limited primarily to securing the rights we have or we create in that world.

Let is strive to return to that condition; let us even try to improve on it (for even the Founders were not complete respecters of Liberty in every aspect). Where there is a definite need for government, let it exist; but where there is none, let it not.

The captive Marine is claimed to have been beheaded. If true, this could be the worst mistake the rebels have ever made. Marines really don’t take well to the deaths of their own. I am reminded of the tale of a pair in one of the Banana Wars in the early 20th century (Nicaragua, perhaps?) who walked into the enemy camp disguised only in ponchos, shot the enemy leader dead and cut out his heart—all to avenge their captain. The (possible) murderers of this Marine stated, Pull your military and you'll be safe; it’s their safety they should be concerned about.

At last, someone has hidden a digital camera inside a Zippo! How extremely cool—how very clever. I can't say that it’d be very useful, but man would it be sweet to own. Talk about a geek toy!

Oh happy day; oh joyous time! Today while leaving my condo, I discovered a ten dollar note lying in the street, with no-one about whom it may have belonged to. Out of nowhere, I suddenly find myself $10 richer. Perhaps I shall buy an island…

Last night I ordered a fast food hamburger (from A&W, my first since perhaps my freshman year in college. It having been so long, I seem to have completely forgotten the cardinal rule: Ask for Meat, Bread & Cheese. And so I received a fine burger covered in lettuce (innoffensive) as well as pickles, onions, tomato and mayonnaise (utterly foul). What human being eats mayonnaise on a burger?!? Why would one waste good beef in such a fashion? The same goes for onions and tomatoes. These are abominations in the eyes of the Lord (it’s somewhere in Ecclesiastes, I’m sure). And why would one ever eat foul fast-food pickles? I love a good pickle: no fast food restaurant has ever served a decent pickle.

To all the burger joints in all the world: quit shoving slop onto my burgers. Give me meat, bread and cheese—I’ll tart my burger up to my own specs, thankyouverymuch.

A Democrat co-worker today posted a bumper sticker which read, The last time someone listened to a Bush, folks wandered around the desert for 40 years. What is amusing about this is, of course, that if the Isrælites had listened to God (the Voice of the burning bush), they wouldn’t have wandered around the desert for 40 years—the wandering was punishment for idolatry or some other such disobedience.

This reminds me of the spelling-challenged idiot who called Bush an idiot, and of course of the Democrats fighting for the votes of the mentally incompetent in the last election (if one cannot figure out a simple ballot, one doesn’t deserve to vote).

It all fits: no-one who is both intellectually honest and educated on the issues can be a leftist—the left is wrong. Thus the Democrats must pander to the liars and the stupid.

Hussein made his first court appearance today; an Iraqi blog marks the occasion with the post Saddam Is in the Cage. This is an historic moment: hope comes to the Iraqis, and justice will surely fall upon Saddam. In a matter of weeks or months he’ll face the same end he sent so many to, and then his course will have been run.

We’re at sixteen months into the Iraq War; Karl Zinsmeister notes that we’re in a much better position now than in other American wars: Washington had surrendered in the French and Indian Wars; he had lost 90% of his strength in the Revolution; in the Second World War, Japan had just conquered all of Southeast Asia and the Pacific, and had occupied American soil for ten years, and meanwhile Germany had conquered Belgium, Denmark, France, Greece, Holland and Yugoslavia.

We’re doing pretty damned well.

While taking some training for work today, I discovered that the not-for-profit sector in the US spends more than $500 billion a year—more than the GDP of Brazil, Russia or Australia. What an incredible nation we live in!