Octopodial Chrome

John Derbyshire has written a wonderful filk concerning the California recall. Absolutely hilarious: imagine Chaucer writing about the mess. Only it's not dirty, which is ¾ the fun of Chaucer…

I was feeling a touch of illness coming on this morning, so I figured I'd drink orange and cranberry juices (lots of Vitamin C, don't you know). Well, imagine my surprise to find that they're more unhealthy than beer: per pint, OJ has 873 BTUs, 15 grains of fat, 833 grains of carbohydrates and 62 grains of protein; cranberry juice has 1,143 BTUs, 15 grains of fat, 1,127 grains of carbohydrates and no protein; beer, the health drink, has 782 BTUs, no fat, only 278 grains of carbohydrates and 15 grains of protein.

Look at that: beer has 90% the BTUs, none of the fat and one-third the carbohydrates of orange juice. It doesn't have as much protein, but that can easily be remedied with a steak on the side. Beer has only 68% as many BTUs as cranberry juice, none of the fat, and ¼ the carbohydrates—and as much protein. Also, beer has much less sugar (better for the teeth), as most has been converted into alcohol. Which is something else beer has in its favour.

In this day and age, we know that low-carbohydrate diets are the key to keeping off the pounds. It follows logically that it's better to drink beer than juice.

BTW, readers (I fancy I have two or more) no doubt noticed that I use BTUs and grains rather than calories (really, kilocalories) and grams. Are you at all surprised? Intelligent science uses English, not French, units.